I promise and I deliver.. somehow, some way. Excitement always follows me to Blue Jays games, folks..
Last night was my first chance to meet up with House, who may or may not hold some form of relationship with our old friend, Shady. Alongside him were Cliff Coleclough and splat king (aka fiduchie boy) who had kindly invited me along for their annual Blue Jays opening day trek. Regardless of having left from the far reaches of Mississauga I ended up being second to the Purple Pig where I met up with House and enjoyed a Guinness as we made our introductions and chatted. The others followed with House enjoying the rib appetizer and myself partaking in the Pulled Pig Sandwich with a salad.
We made our way to the Rogers Centre and our seats in the 10th row of section 105 under the cover above the right field bullpen. The crowd was 50,000 strong – an oddity since the 1993 season – and fairly loud compared to your average Toronto sports gang. The festivities began when, for reasons unknown to us, a steroid-infused freak in section 104 took issue with five topless gents in our area that had painted F-R-A-N-K on their collective chests. For most of the game these boys would taunt the man dubbed “Marshmallow Man” and his bald head, while ‘Mallow would flex his muscles, gnarl his teeth, and oddly, drop his pants and separate his arms in a “come and get some” style pose. Dropping trou seemed to be the impetus behind section 105’s decision to chant “MARSH-MALLOW-MAN”, and soon after, “KICK HIM OUT”.
Of note, as well, was that Royals right fielder, and Canadian boy, Mark Teahen became the object of our scold solely due to the fact he was the only player within earshot from our seats. Someone behind us had come up with the nickname “Teabag”, which immediately stuck, and poor Teabag was mercilessly taunted throughout the game by F-R-A-N-K, House, splat king, myself, and many others. Cliff, I must note, seems much more docile and controllable than most of us, except when I accused him of lusting after men in ponytails; that was the only brief hostile moment I witnessed by Mr. Coleclough. I should also note that splat king decided to chant “TEABAG! TEABAG!” at nearby attractive women more than once, and I’m not sure he was making any reference to a baseball player at all at the time.
Of final note and warning to others – learn from our mistakes. Do not order popcorn at the Rogers Centre. It is not popcorn at all but, in fact, cleverly disguised salt cubes meant to encourage you to buy more watery American beer for $7.50. We had the last laugh, though – House simply yelled “FREE POPCORN FOR FRANK!” a couple times and threw the bag at F. Apparently intoxication can make saltlicks a tolerable snack.