Wrestling fans might want to sit down – Viacom, owners of UPN, have announced they will not be extending the contract for ‘WWE SmackDown!’ after the expiration of the current deal in the fall of 2006. “It still makes us a decent amount of money,” noted network President Les Moonves, “when you think about the powerhouses of CBS and NBC on Thursday night, it’s great counter-programming. (But) it doesn’t fit into the overall strategy.” Viacom plans to move UPN from the traditional goofy programming to a more adult-oriented vision.
A couple weeks back I expressed my disinterest with the WWE and their product, and Clive had tried to sway me back to the dark side. For anyone that doubted me before, I present to you a recap of a segment from last night’s WWE Raw broadcast. This should erase any questions of why I would give up on wrestling. Because it’s not wrestling. Taken from 1wrestling.com:
Terri was stationed outside Kane’s locker room. She hoped to talk with him after the video aired. Meanwhile, Jonathan Coachman interviewed HHH, who said the video would prove Kane is not only a murderer, but a twisted psychopath as well. And then it aired. The video began with a warning that it contained offensive content and that viewer discretion was advised. It should have warned that the video would offend anyone with an IQ above that of a stalk of celery. It showed a funeral home chapel with a coffin. There was a female dummy in the coffin, supposedly Katie Vick. HHH came in, wearing a Kane mask and pretending to be Kane. He told Katie she looked better dead than alive. He blamed her for the accident, saying if she had just let him have his way with her, he wouldn’t have swerved off the road and crashed. He then began groping her breasts. This was sick and was getting sicker by the minute. He took off her bra and panties, and sniffed the panties. She was wearing a cheerleader outfit, by the way. One wonders what the WWE writing crew do in their spare time. And it got worse. HHH actually got inside the coffin and pretended to have sex with Katie as blissful music played and the camera focused on flowers and candles and other funeral chapel paraphenalia. After he “finished”, he reached inside the dummy’s head and pulled out a handful of mush, bragging that he screwed her brains out.
I *really* hope some stockholders bring this up at the next WWE shareholders meeting. The McMahons really need to explain how they can put this on television, and then produce more video games and action figures for the kids. Not only am I not watching this stuff anymore, but I swear to you if I had kids they wouldn’t be watching it either.
It finally happened. That fateful day my parents warned me about as a child.
I no longer care about wrestling.
That’s bad to say, I know, and there exists the slightest chance I could become interested again down the road. The problem is, the product has just outright sucked for far too long now. Now, they’ve decided to eliminate the storied Intercontinental Title, thus removing themselves from my peering eyes. The reasoning is simple – as a child, I was always small. I’m still only 5’8″, so not exactly a giant amongst men. I quickly became aware as a frail youngster that I stood no chance of being a Heavyweight champion due to my size, and began to emulate the smaller, quicker guys like Ricky Steamboat instead. They were all chasing the Intercontinental Title, as they were smaller, and because of this I deemed it my favourite one. Since Pat Patterson won the Title in a fake tournament on September 11, 1979 in Brazil (it was actually awarded to him here in Toronto) there have been 91 champions.
- Jeff Jarrett held it the most times with six.
- Pedro Morales held it the most days at 599.
- Honky Tonk Man held it the most consecutive days with 454.
And now it’s gone, folded in with the former WCW World Heavyweight Championship. And that is the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back – I’m done. Stupid Vince McMahon.
If you’re around your TV this Sunday at 5PM you’ll get a chance to catch me on it. A&E will be reairing the Bret Hart documentary Hitman Hart: Wrestling With Shadows, documenting events leading up to the “screwjob” at Survivor Series 1997. I, along with Rob and my cousin Will, attended this event and Will and I ended up being all over the broadcast, and subsequently, the documentary. I’ll try to snap some screen caps when it airs again, but if you do happen to catch it, we appear during the climactic match near the end of the program between Bret and Shawn Michaels. You’ll see two guys in Austin 3:16 shirts, and frequently I’m holding up a sign that says “COHEN 3:16 Says My Mom Wouldn’t Let Me Come to Montreal” on it.
Unfortunately CTV will never reair my episode of Just Like Mom as they, for some reason, deleted all the old episodes. I even had an ex-girlfriend who worked in the archives department of CTV look for it, so I know it doesn’t exist. So, since my taping no longer exists, none of you can laugh at me in my three-piece suit discussing outer space and cereal with Fergie Oliver.
Oh, and Michelle – how about a fireman AND a penguin? Check it out!
Do you ever get the feeling that it’s just not your year? I mean, I’ll be honest, all in all this year has been great. I’ve been loving working on my own, marriage is great closing in on the start of year three, and in general, things are great. So, it’s with a heavy heart that I announce that I have AGAIN injured myself playing Sunday morning softball. Best part? This time it’s my right ankle. Frig frig frig. Because of my shoulder and elbow I’ve been working out legs instead of arms lately in the gym – now what do I work out? Neck? Bah. (waves paw)
I had hit a decent shot on the ground between first and second base and ran all-out for first when my ankle turned and I heard a rather loud crack. The next thing I saw was people staring at me and I was actually lying on the grass behind the fence above first. My sister told me I had actually continued running to be safe at first, and that almost immediately after had fallen on the ground. I don’t think it’s serious – a lot of pain and a enough swelling to represent a second ankle, but it’s already feeling a bit better which should mean it’s all good in a few days. It’s just the principle of injuring myself again. I’m down 12 lbs in the past couple months and I have to keep that up – I honestly feel that if I can get under 200 things will start to feel a lot better. For those keeping score, that means I’ve got about 18 lbs. to go before I’m in health country. I carry a lot of weight so 200 for me is about 175-180 for your average joe.
So, now it’s ice-on, ice-off while I await the arrival of Rob and Rocco for our first WWE pay-per-view in months. We attended WrestleMania X-8 – other than that, I’ve been conserving the money this year. We’ll see what happens – for fans of wrestling out there, was seeing Bischoff arrive on Raw not the first “HOLY —-!” moment of the last couple years? You could have scraped my jaw off the floor.
Does anyone out there own an Aztek? I’m giving serious consideration to attempting a swap at the dealer on my 2000 Grand Am GT for a used Aztek. I’m not asking for people who DON’T own them to e-mail me and say “but they’re so ugly, why would you get one?” I want opinions from those that own them, if there are any out there. I test drove one last summer and I’ve been in love ever since – I’m interested in how they are for repairs and problems, things like that. If you do own one, toss me an e-mail by clicking on my name below. CLICK MY NAME!!! ;)