Tupperware & Walruses

Baby seal walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "What will you have?"
Baby seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club"

Today's Random Link
Slingshot Santa

Mix Your Milk With My Cocoa Puff

Sample lyrics from the current top 3 songs on the Billboard 100:

Nobody ever - *EVER* - comments on the quality of the music I listen to again. THIS is what people buy. So, with all due respect to the music buying public, eat it.

The Rules

NEW RULE: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

NEW RULE: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

NEW RULE: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

NEW RULE: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

NEW RULE: Stop f**king with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his a** will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

NEW RULE:The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the a**hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge a**hole.

NEW RULE: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!

NEW RULE: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your a**. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

NEW RULE: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

NEW RULE: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

NEW RULE: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

NEW RULE: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

NEW RULE: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place.

Grey Cup Pools

Grey Cup pools, for those who care:

Sportsnet Championship Challenge
Group: overanything
Password: moocow

Wendy's Ultimate Grey Cup Challenge
Group: overanything
Password: moocow

Good luck!

Venti Peepermint

The weekend ended in a great way - I finally put the coin down on my first acoustic guitar. It only took 15 years and two bands for me to finally settle on a Garrison AG-300CE, one that I had surprisingly first seen on Saturday. This is a relatively new company out of Newfoundland that developed a new way to produce guitars that creates a stunning sound. It was by far above anything else we'd played, and at $399, a no-brainer. I nabbed the black version, and the ash wood is still quite visible through it. I'm actually having some work done to it before I pick it up - have the bridge lowered, maybe some adjustments to the truss rod, and some new medium/light strings. I've promised to try Elixir, rather than the Dean Markley's I've used up to now.

I should also note that the $10 bets have begun. The same bet Mark chickened out on was grabbed onto by Paul at Starbucks yesterday prior to the Argos game. With a complete straight face he walked up to the barista and ordered a "Venti Peepermint Mocha", as per my previous challenge. Unfortunately I couldn't keep a straight face long enough afterwards to do it myself, and Paul earned the $10. I anticipate the next lob in the 'Ed'-esque $10 bets.

Argos.. what can I say. When I was last there I was about 8 years old and spent the entire game watching the cheerleaders. Some things never change.

Cheers!

Today's Random Links
Woman tries to go out for a smoke.. on a plane
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Mmmmm.. salmon pop..

Hang On To Your Guinness, Man

Toronto Music Expo was quite good. Appears I'll be getting a Garrison guitar, some brand out of Newfoundland. Yes, it's late to be posting. But I've had many beers, and sleep is not an option.

Guinness rules. I mean that.

Tomorrow, back to the Toronto Music Expo, then off to Steve's to get the guitar. The long wait is finally over - I shall soon own an acoustic.

Word.

Yes, Martha Stewart.. Got a Problem?

So, I missed this comment from Con in the Entertainment section, and it seems like a good reason to make a message post:

SATURDAY and SUNDAY
Nothing

MONDAY
CSI: Miami
How I Met Your Mother
Kitchen Confidential
Prison Break

TUESDAY
My Name is Earl
The Amazing Race
The Biggest Loser

WEDNESDAY
Lost
The Apprentice: Martha Stewart

THURSDAY
Alias
Reunion
Survivor: Guatemala
The Apprentice

FRIDAY
Charmed
Opening Soon
Restaurant Makeover

Obviously way too much. I blame the PVR (Tivo), but it also thankfully allows me to watch things when it's convenient AND fast forward stuff. Mary gets mad at me because my itchy finger will usually allow me to watch an hour-long reality show in about 20 minutes.

What are y'all watching?

RIP Eddie Guerrero, 1967-2005

For the few that haven't yet heard, WWE superstar Eddie Guerrero was found dead this weekend. Foul play is not suspected, but no cause of death has yet been determined. Rumours and conjecture are sure to follow as Guerrero had made no secret of his previous demons, and word has now begun to escape that he was still in great pain before every match. I've really fallen out of wrestling and rarely catch it anymore, but this is still a great loss.

Fortunately, I do have one very good personal memory of Eddie. This goes back to 2000 when I won a trip to WrestleMania 2000 from the FAN590. Before the event Mary and I were headed back from a mall and walked through the Doubletree en route to our hotel, the Embassy Suites. Good decision because almost immediately upon arriving in the lobby the WWE stars started returning and dispersing throughout the hotel. For a wrestling fan it was the motherlode, and I ran from person to person greeting them, wishing them luck, and obtaining autographs. One such person was Eddie Guerrero.

I didn't spend long with him as he was swamped by fans, but as I sat back and surveyed the scene I saw him cease in going through the motions of autographs when he noticed a disabled young man in a wheelchair over by the lobby wall. He quickly stopped what he was doing and ran over to greet the kid, who just lit right up. His family were almost crying as Eddie took the time to chat with him about wrestling, and even allowed pictures and some more autographs. The way he sought out that kid and, by my mind, made his lifetime will always stick with me. Heart of gold.

You'll be missed, Eddie.

Today's Random Links
Dude separates sugar from water in his guts.. weird, but not gross
Obscenely large penis as a defence? (Thanks, Kim!)

Getupgetoffthecouchgettothephoneandcall

Anyone out there have a Seinfeld fan on their gift list? An incredible deal was brought to my attention today. Amazon.ca is offering Seinfeld Seasons 1-6 for $125.85, and until November 24th you get a $10 gift certificate by e-mail if you spend over $75. So you'd be getting a full six seasons of Seinfeld for $125.85 with $10 to save later on - and shipping is free. I suppose this should be in Deals, but since I never update that...

In the spirit of the holidays I'll surrender the rest of today's entry to some coupons and links that might help y'all save some money. Good luck!

Today's Random Links Deals
$99 1GB MP3 player @ FutureShop
BestBuy 14 Days of Deals

Zellers porn

Zellers porn, shot by overanything.

Draft Morning

Well, tonight satisfied another of my life longings - Hoegaarden on draught. I had set off downtown tonight with Paul and Mark on the plan of playing some guitars (approximately a week until I should own one, finally) and having Waterloo Dark, Hoegaarden, and Guinness on draught. I fell one short - Guinness - and it was only because I was starting to feel guilty on what I'd spent. $50 on food and drink, plus $55 at MEC for (essentially) two toques. Anyways, long story short, Hoegaarden on draught is EXCELLENT.. but Waterloo Dark is better. I hope my Belgish friends don't kill me for that one.

I might also note that my wife is currently not talking to me. She's very angry with me. For.. get this.. buying toques. She hates the way I look in hats, and apparently to heck with my cold head. I gotta be honest - you women, sometimes you confuse me.

Oh, and for those that care, Starbucks has the red cups back, and some new drinks to fill'em with. I sampled the Peppermint Mocha and Peppermint Hot Chocolate tonight. Challenged Mark to a bet that he wussed out on. I mean, really, how hard is it to ask for a "peepermint" hot chocolate?

Today's Random Links
Five Nerdiest TV Characters
Beer Advocate: Waterloo Dark
Beer Advocate: Hoegaarden

Kitchen Confidential I

So I promised stories.

Friday night - the busiest night in almost any restaurant - we had a full house and I'm doing my best to send out presentable food in the kitchen. At some point one of the girls comes over and tells me that table one is visually intoxicated - at least three of the four - and that Smart Serve would indicate they can't be served, even with a DD. Unfortunately our laws don't force people to take responsibility for themselves, and thus restaurants must be extra cautious not to send someone out drunk. Anyways, we allow them one drink each, and then they ask for more. At this point I told the waitress that they'd have to be cut off.

Next thing the most drunk of the four storms into the kitchen.

Drunk: "What's going on here?"
Rick: "Walk around the counter and I"ll tell you."
Drunk: "No."
Rick: "Not a question, sir. Walk around the counter or I'll do it for you."

Drunk wisely walks around the counter and begins yelling at me and a second waitress, as the first waitress is in the back crying after being yelled at by Mr. Red Faced SOB in front of me. He proclaims himself sober and tells us we're making a huge mistake as he's a great customer and trying to impress friends from Orangeville. He first noted "I'll never be here again", almost immediately followed by a few blinks and a new proclamation of "It'll be a long time before you see me back here." I continued to support the decision of the waitress (who had seen him fall into the wall as he walked in), at which point he ran out of the restaurant, jumped into his DDs car, and drove off - leaving his table mates behind. Way to impress your friends.

So now the DD comes over - who also happens to be an Orangeville Justice of the Peace - and begins to explain to me that her friends weren't drunk, but merely "obnoxious a--holes" (her words, not mine) having a good time. I explained that I wasn't taking a chance on losing my brother-in-law's restaurant his two weeks away. She told me there were no visual signs of intoxication. I said that, indeed, there were, and the decision was made and wouldn't be changed.

The story continues in much the same way until they finally leave, and it makes me wonder. We didn't ask them to leave. We didn't make a scene. We merely softly whispered that we needed to make a decision that no alcohol could be served to the table due to established rules given to us by the LCBO meant to stop people from killing themselves or others. I find it extremely sad that there are people out there who can't remove themselves from alcohol for a few moments in time to enjoy a dinner. But, alas, such people exist.

Good times.

Madden on Xbox 360 - graphics have come a long way
Naked moron on a motorbike - and crashes
This parrot is amazing!

You Can't Always Get What You Want

I am returned, as I once so eloquently stated in French here. Back to normal (whatever that is) as Jeff has snatched his restaurant back from my claws. It was quite an experience and there are stories to tell - I'll attempt to relate some as I (hopefully) return to regular posting.

The good news is, as a reward for my efforts, I was presented with a $300 gift certificate from Steve's Music, which means in and around November 20th this shall be mine. The D10SCE in black, that is. Although I'm now considering upgrading to something $300 higher, since I'd pretty much saved up what I needed anyways - more is better, right?

Speaking of November 20th, music fans in the Toronto area should note this little festival I'll be attending: Toronto Music Expo. Should be loads of fun, and only $10 at the door. I shall be there both Saturday and Sunday, followed by the CFL Eastern Championships. My first football game since I was about 7, and spent the entire time staring at cheerleaders through binoculars.

Today's Random Links
Preview four tracks from Wilco's new live album
Starbucks to present "God quote" on cups